Getting Back to Normal-ish (Part 2)

Whatever you do, don’t let him out of your site

When I came to, it was….. not abrupt, but not subtle either. I remember, barely, being shaken by someone who had a hand on my left shoulder. I was in recovery I assumed.

“Hello? Ted… Time to wake up. Come on. Open your eyes”. The voice said.

I remember groggily, if that’s a word, opening my eyes and everything was blurry, foggy and sort of dim. I moved my head up and saw what I think was a nurse standing sort of next to me… or was she in front of me? I don’t know. For the life of me, I kind of think I was in some sort of tall chair or something like that. Or a bed that turned into a chair or maybe some sort of weird recliner. But I remember being sort of upright. The nurse talked to me. I remember hearing words. I mumbled something. I heard another voice to my left and like a bobble-head doll, I moved my head in that direction and saw my blurry wife, Debbie, sitting there.

She said something and I mumbled something back. The nurse asked me if I wanted a drink or something to eat. I think I said yes because moments later some sort of juice and pudding (?) showed up in front of me or was it fruit? I remember moving my hand in a very slow and calculated way and took hold of the drink and somehow brought it to my lips and drank. It was like a shot of adrenalin and kind of woke up a bit more, but I was still mostly out of it. I have never been drunk in my life, but if I were to be totally drunk out of my mind I have to imagine that is what I was like.

Someone handed me a fork and apparently, I started jabbing at the fruit unsuccessfully but eventually managed to harpoon a piece of it and maneuvered it to my mouth and I chewed it mechanically. My wife was talking to me, at least I think she was, and I remember mumbling something to her. The nurse came back a few minutes later and was doing something and the food tray in front of me disappeared.

“Okay Ted, come on, we have to get you up and you have to walk a little bit.” She said to me.

I mumbled something back but I do remember saying “Let’s do it”.

The next thing I knew, I was standing and she said that I have to walk around the nurses station. As if magically, a walker that my wife had bought before the surgery appeared in front of me and I had my hands on it. The nurse was on one side and my wife was on the other, I think, and together we walked slowly around the nurses station, turned and came back. Well, she walked, I shuffled. I only remember half of the trip, then I was sitting again. Apparently I made conversation with my wife and the nurse. The nurse said some things, there was more mumbling from me and then I was being wheeled out of the surgery center into fresh air.

A moment or two later, my wife’s Honda Pilot pulled up in front of me and I recall maneuvering myself to the back door and hoisting myself in backwards. More words were said, more mumbling ensued and the door closed. Deb got in the SUV and said something, I mumbled something and then we were moving.

I don’t remember the one-hour drive home, but Deb said we were conversing a little, but it was all a fog to me. I remember pulling up to our house and to do remember shuffling out of the car to the awaiting walker. I shuffled to the bottom of the 4-steps into our house, I do not remember making the ascent. The next thing I knew, I was in bed and it was sometime around 7 p.m.. I don’t remember eating dinner that night. Maybe I did, I don’t know.

The doctors and the nurses at the surgery center all told me the 24-hour pain block would wear off sometime on Friday afternoon. But I should be able to sleep through the night and I did…. I think.

As you can tell, I’m something of a sleepy-head and my body does react in something of a comical way to things like anesthesia. I am known throughout my family, as is my brother Chris, for the ability to fall asleep at the drop of a hat. I can sleep anywhere and more disturbingly, anytime.

Sleep? Sure, when? Now? Okay. Zzzzzzzzz. Now adding a medically induced sleep enhancer, well, let’s just say I’m completely useless and a very good source of comedic entertainment at my own expense.

At the time of this writing is has been nearly 10 weeks since surgery and my wife still damns herself for not taking video of me while I was in recovery and until I got in bed. It would have made for a great YouTube video.


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