It has become abundantly clear to me that the fabled, fictitious, demigod known as “Mother Nature” has issues. That would be her raging distaste and intolerance for Trailer Parks, waterfront property, the Northeastern United States (specifically New Jersey), outdoor activities, napkins and paper plates, raking leaves, convertibles, bicycles, motorcycles, tents and fabric based storage sheds.
The problem must also go deeper than that, to the point where it must be personal on some level. I call to mind instances where a tornado might ravage a community, ripping apart one single home among a cluster of 6 on a cul-de-sac, skipping a street and whipping out three homes and leaving two. Why? Why that house and not all of them? Is there something about those occupants that you don’t like? Are they devout Conservatives with a pro-gun mindset? Are they vegans? Do they drive Volvo’s? What is it that makes Mother Nature do the things she does.
Personally, I think she’s just bitter.
She’s an angry, pissy, cranky-pants because, as a mid-level deity, she is not permitted to participate in activities we so enjoy. Page 64, Section 4.312, Paragraph 33.1… “No deity shall participate in, organize, fund, contribute to, promote, advertise or encourage any activity or activities mortal humans consider fun, enjoyable, exciting and/or competitive. Deity’s are permitted to view said activities. Betting and picking sides is also permitted. The wearing of team jersey’s, manufacturers branded clothing and face painting is permitted as well”.
A couple of weeks ago I traveled to my farm in upstate New York amid a typical fall rainy night. That stormy weather continued though my Saturday and Sunday on the ranch and, as I later found out, more so here back home in New Jersey.
Apparently, M.N. was pissed about something. It could have been anything. Maybe, just learning that the bike was going into the shop soon to be repaired and I’d be able to ride again, who knows. Either that or she hasn’t been paying attention for the last two years and just noticed I put up the Shelter Logic Fabric Shed for the bike. I think it was that.
Text message from wifey…..>>Call me when you get a signal<<
Two hours later……
“Hey babe, what’s up?”
“Uh, we have a problem.”
“Well, the bike is okay….”
Okay let me pause here for a second. Ladies, significant others… Don’t ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever… start a conversation with the words “the bike is okay”. Visions of an Armageddon rampage through our heads, images of clumsy clowns juggling chain saws and bowling balls while dancing around our machines flash through our minds eye, we panic!
“That’s…… no way to start a conversation. What happened?”
“Well, we’ve had very hard rain and winds up to 60 mph. I was just heading out to the store and when I went outside the motorcycle shed was ripped to shreds. Only the front and back panels are there. Everything is soaked, stuff got blown all over the yard.”
“Oh great. Just cover the bike up and I’ll deal with it when I get home.”
Lovely wifey went to Home Depot and got a huge tarp and, in the pouring rain, covered the entire framework with the tarp, tied it down and even dried the bike off. Gold star for wifey.
Mother nature, you get jack shit.
Plans have been submitted and construction is underway for a wooden structure to house the bike, tools and hopefully soon, another bike. At the moment I am waiting for the permit to come through. In the meantime, it’s back to that original cover that I used for many years.
I wonder how much mother nature made on this bet. Jerk.